Spend enough time in China's gay scene and sooner or later a WeChat invitation lands: a friend from Chengdu is getting married, a colleague's cousin in Hangzhou is throwing a banquet, and would you come? Say yes. A Chinese wedding banquet is one of the great cultural experiences the country offers a traveller — and it runs on rules that nobody thinks to explain to the foreigner at table nine. Here they are.
The invitation
It will almost certainly arrive digitally — a designed invitation card sent over WeChat, sometimes startlingly close to the date; a few weeks' notice is normal, days not unheard of. Reply promptly and clearly, because the couple is paying per head for a banquet and the guest list is the budget. If you're travelling and can't make it, a congratulatory message and a digital hongbao are a graceful decline.
The hongbao: the one rule that really matters
Guests give cash, in a red envelope, full stop — it's the wedding gift, the registry and the card all in one. The conventions: crisp notes, handed over with both hands at the reception desk near the door, where a designated friend of the couple records every amount in a ledger (yes, really — your generosity is a matter of record). Amounts scale with closeness and city, but for a friend's wedding a few hundred yuan is a normal guest amount, rising well beyond that for close friends. Numbers matter more than size: even figures beat odd, 6 and 8 are auspicious, and anything containing a 4 — which sounds like "death" in Mandarin — is the one genuine faux pas available to you. As a foreign guest you'll be given enormous latitude, but don't arrive empty-handed. A WeChat transfer is increasingly accepted; the physical envelope remains better form. (For the wider picture on money and manners, see our tipping & etiquette guide.)
What to wear
Smart, but not bridal. Red is the traditional colour of the bride, so avoid wearing it top to toe; head-to-toe white or black reads funereal to older relatives. Anything else smart-casual and upwards works — a jacket in a Chinese summer ballroom is aspiration enough. The instinct to outdress everyone in the room should, on this one occasion, be gently suppressed.
The banquet itself
Expect a hotel ballroom or big restaurant, assigned round tables, and a staged ceremony that happens during the meal — speeches, an emcee, often a Western-style ring exchange grafted onto a traditional tea ceremony, occasionally dry ice. The food arrives in relentless waves; the whole fish and other symbolic dishes come late, so pace yourself. There is usually no dance floor and no long night: lunch banquets often wrap by early afternoon, evening ones by nine or so. Our food guide will help you name what you're eating.
Toasting without falling over
The couple circulates table by table to toast every guest — that's your moment to congratulate them. Baijiu may appear; you are under no obligation. Toasting with tea or a soft drink is completely acceptable, and "I'm driving" is a universally respected exit. One elegant local courtesy: when clinking glasses with someone senior, let your rim strike slightly below theirs. Do that once and you'll be the best-mannered foreigner anyone at the table has met. For the full toasting playbook — ganbei, sui yi and how to drink less without offending anyone — see our baijiu & drinking-culture guide.
Bringing your partner
Ask before assuming a plus-one — banquet seats are counted. Most younger, urban hosts will be genuinely delighted you asked, and how you introduce him — partner, boyfriend, or the diplomatically unlabelled "friend" — is entirely your call, made with the same read-the-room instincts we describe in our PDA & couples guide. Extended-family tables skew older and nosier; expect warm curiosity rather than hostility, and see our mixed-company guide for deflecting the where's-your-girlfriend question with grace.
Same-sex weddings in China
Mainland China doesn't legally recognise same-sex marriage, but symbolic wedding banquets between same-sex couples do quietly happen — if you're invited to one, treasure it, and every rule above still applies. If the invitation is to Taipei, it may well be the real, legal thing: Taiwan has had marriage equality since 2019. And if the night ends — as Chinese celebrations so often do — in a private karaoke room, our KTV etiquette guide has you covered.
Last verified: 4 July 2026. Hongbao norms vary by city, region and social circle — when in doubt, quietly ask a mutual friend what they're giving and match it. General conventions cross-checked against The World of Chinese and China Highlights guides to wedding red envelopes.
